Happy Christmas?!

I know I am way too late or way too early for Christmas - depending on how you look at it! Some are still paying for the last one while others have already snapped up some bargains for the next one and have the Christmas cards in! I know who you are - the latter I mean!

I have a Christmas card on our mantelpiece at the moment celebrating the fact that Jesus came; and because it arrived late, it has to have its couple of days on display. Now when I say 'arrived late' that doesn't tell the whole story. I found it unopened in the back of a Bible I use for a study group while I was in the group - and yes, the person who gave me the card was there. Oops! Well, it gave everyone a laugh at my expense!

The 'arrival' of the card coincided with something I'd just read about how depressing people find this time of year; how January and even into February are long dark months; a huge anti-climax after Christmas. People are struggling with debt as a result of overspending; the 'Christmas spirit' has disappeared and family feuds resumed for some. 

My card shows the stable where Jesus was born with the star shining over it and reminds me again that the light has come into the world, not just for Christmas, but for all time - and no darkness can ever put it out. 

You see, it's not so crazy to have a Christmas card on display just now because in some ways it's always Christmas. Jesus came as Emmanuel - 'God with us'. And that was on what we celebrate as Christmas Day - but it's just as true and just as real in the dull, dreary days after Christmas. It's still true when we look forward and are a little anxious about what might lie ahead. 

It's true because it's true because it's true - every day, all the time, forever.

Wake up and ......

My first thought almost every morning as I wake up is - 'what day is this?' Some mornings the answer comes quite quickly; almost along with the question. But more and more often the answer involves a little more effort! Sometimes it involves backtracking in my mind to the day before and trying to remember what I was doing then, so figuring out what day 'yesterday' was! 

As you get older, things like this can be a little worrying - like the old thing of going upstairs and wondering what you went there for. Or, as the old joke goes, even worse is finding yourself at the halfway point on the stairs and wondering if you were going up or coming down! The latter hasn't happened to me - yet! But I find myself more and more in the middle of a sentence wondering what I'm about to say next! I know these things happen to all of us - young and old, but it has to be confessed it gets worse as you get older. The huge blessing for me was discovering that I wasn't the only one. There is a whole bunch of us all with funny 'forgetfulness' stories.

I am so thankful for my 'forgetfulness companions' and even more thankful for the God who never forgets. He never forgets me for a start. He not only knows what day it is, but what he and I are going to do this day. He not only knows whether I'm halfway up the stairs or down, but exactly where I'm going. He not only knows why I'm standing in the middle of my bedroom wondering why I'm there. He knows why I'm where I am and just simply the whole 'why' of my life. How good is that?!

So, in the mornings, my corny or cheesy (some would say) little thought will be - 'Hey Lord, what are you and I going to do today?' - and I'll leave him to fill in the blank which names the day!

You need friends

Today I had coffee and a catch up with an old friend. She wouldn't like the 'old' bit, but the catch up with someone I don't see much of was good! Ever noticed how conversations at times like this take us down Memory Lane quite a lot? This one was no different.

In the course of conversation we were talking about people we appreciated from the past because, in some way, they influenced our lives for good. It all started because she mentioned seeing mutual friends I haven't seen for many years. I was sending my love and sharing just how important this other couple had been in my life in the distant past. That got us on to talking of others we remember with affection and gratitude.

Funny thing was I had spent the morning writing letters, including a couple to old friends, again special to me in some way, promising to keep in touch as that (keeping in touch) is becoming more difficult for them. This has all reminded me of some very important people in my life; how maybe they need to know that; and how important it is to work at keeping in touch better.

I'm sure we've all had people cross our paths whom we'd rather forget! But I have also been blessed by God in the past by truly godly friends who helped make me what I am today. I have told some of them in the past, but just maybe they need told again.

 As for my friend today - yes, I told her - thank you Mavis for the encouragement you were to me in the past - and for your friendship now.

Forgive and .....

I was very moved this morning by a TV interview with a girl who'd been raped.

She talked about her desire to meet the rapist to, as she put it, 'see the human' in him. She spoke about how important it was for her to look him in the eye. She has met and forgiven her attacker and was asked if that was for her, or for his sake. She didn't actually answer that as the interview went off in another direction. For me it was clear from the little glimpse of a life an interview gives that she has come to a place of peace with what happened to her, and I imagine forgiveness has been part of that process for her. 

It was the phrase about seeing the 'human in him' that made me think. We are very quick to label people who do great wrong as 'animals'. Somehow that allows us to de-humanize them, allowing us to say what we want and desire awful things for them; generally not care about them or what happens to them. Maybe it is too difficult to accept some people as human because then we have to acknowledge them as one of us - and where would that take us?

I just know that the choosing to forgive process, though perhaps difficult and costly, is the best way forward to a life free from bitterness and the chains that hold us to those who wrong us. 

In doing that, perhaps we are acknowledging the 'human' in the offender - the God-created humanity gone wrong - the human being Jesus died for.

Message in a Bottle

Looking at ideas for some new craft projects - little items to sell to raise money for Rwanda - other than cards. Love doing our cards, but always nice to come up with something different.

One project has got me thinking about best loved Bible verses. I'm sure, if I asked, I'd come up with quite a few. And yet I know there would be quite a few repeats.

God's word is amazing. Even the one verse, no matter how often read, can speak to us in many new and different ways. It depends on life circumstances, mood, need or even the particular Bible translation. These things would seem really random if it weren't for the God behind it all. The words we grow to love speak to us because they are alive and relevant. God knows what we need to hear at any given moment and it shouldn't surprise us when that verse crosses our path at 'just the right moment'!

God's word is always relevant because, as well as living, it is always true. It is powerful and changes lives. It is often there when all else is gone. I have sat with many people in very difficult circumstances when all they had to hold to was God's word - often a favourite verse. I have seen people, at the end of life, stir as God's word is read - again, often a favourite verse.

'Hide' those favourite verses in your heart. They are precious - but there will be moments when someone else needs to hear them, and then you can share your treasure with others.

Born free

A couple of days ago I went to the cinema to see the film '12 Years a Slave'. It's not a movie for the squeamish, though by today's film and TV standards of what is acceptable when it comes to screening violence, it would no doubt be 'mild' for some. I had been reading the book, so knew the story and something of what to expect. 

The film moved me quite considerably and it is taking time for me to figure out what I made of it; what I can say about it; what I can do about it. The film is a portrayal of immense cruelty; another tale of what man is capable of doing to his fellow man. The scenes of physical violence were hard to see, but one of the scenes to stick in my mind is a silent scene where Solomon's face is the only thing pictured. There is no dialogue nor commentary; just his face and the viewer's ideas of what goes on in a man's head when he contemplates his present position as a slave and a future too horrific to imagine. 

There is a lot more I could say, and some critics have said the film opens up yet again the whole issues around a very painful subject. For me it is a reminder of what can happen when we stop seeing others as fellow humans; when we, for whatever reason, look down on someone or consider ourselves superior; when we forget our own humanity.

On a visit to a genocide memorial site in Rwanda I was struck by some words left there - in a place where several thousand people died - it goes something like this - 'if you had known me . . . . . you would not have killed me'. It's all down to what we mean by 'knowing' I suppose - but surely if we knew each other as God's creation; as God's children; as equals; it would affect how we treat one another?

Who, me?

This picture has been a real joy to me. It came the other day from Peru and shows a girl called Karina and some children she is teaching at church. It fills me with joy because I knew Karina as a child, and at one time her family was a big part of my life. I can't put into words how good it is to see her and to see what she is doing today. If I could go into their story in detail here you might understand how amazing a photo like this is.

The picture appeared on facebook. I commented on how lovely it was and got this response - 'I am only following your example' Those words touched me deeply because I often wonder about all my children and what has become of them. I don't deny it felt good to know I'd left something so valuable behind.

But I have also been hugely challenged by Karina's words. Just a few days before seeing this I read these word of Paul - 'I urge you to imitate me' - and thought, as I always do when seeing this verse, that I wanted to be worthy of imitation - that what people imitated of me would be of the Jesus they see in me.

I find that a challenge. Whether it be with family, friends, people we work for or serve - whatever - to be Jesus - the only 'me' worth imitating - and to have nothing in me that hides Jesus from others or distorts his image. 

And Karina - te quiero mucho x

Washed clean

This is wash day in our house. I have to say, in case Sally reads this, that I don't do it. She does! Well, the machine does and the dogs help! There's something good about the feeling of nice clean clothes; something good about feeling clean - except if you're an 8 year old boy. Around that age many of them don't seem to notice!

We don't miss 'clean' until we don't have it. Unless we've lived somewhere where water is scarce, rationed or just not there; unless we've done a particularly messy job and can't wait to wash the dirt off; unless we've had a muddy walk or cycle ride and know that at the end of it there's a nice hot shower or bath. That sense of clean feels so good.

From my Bible reading today I picked one tiny phrase - 'You were washed' And I love it. But it's a bit like the way we don't miss being clean until we're dirty or can't have a wash. We appreciate Jesus' washing if we know in our gut that we're a sinner; when we or someone else has defiled our body; when we've been made to feel 'unclean' in some way. Jesus washed it all clean and we're promised new clothing of white linen when we get to Heaven.

 Then it struck me that whether it's dirt from a very muddy outing or a fleck of dust from the air, dirt is dirt and needs cleaning. Whether it's a 'big' sin or a 'little' one we all need a wash. 'You are washed' How good does that feel!

No place like home

Just been reading about people made homeless in Syria - and aware of so many other places where people are having to flee and so become homeless. The old phrase 'there's no place like home' comes to mind and many of us take having a place to call home for granted. Yet on this cold, wet Belfast night there are people not far from me right now facing the night on the street. There are refugees in many parts of the world far from home and any prospect of returning there.

On our last spell in Rwanda we visited resettlement camps for people returning to Rwanda from other places. These people had been uprooted from everything that home was all about. Their problems were many, but not belonging - not feeling at home - you could tell that was a tough one. I heard just this week that many of the people we visited have since been taken to various parts of the country where they will make new lives for themselves - where hopefully they will soon feel at home again.

I used to have quite a different home a long way away which I loved, and returning to this one was a painful process because this was not home and didn't feel like it for quite some time. And then God taught me that when I put down roots I have to put them down, not in the ground, but in a flower pot, so that I can be easily moved from one place to another as he wants. That helped a lot. This little pot plant loves her present home and it is home - the right place for me for now. 

But I know my real home is in Heaven and I so look forward to that one. In the meantime, this little pot plant will enjoy this home - and tonight there will be a few extra prayers for all those who need a place to call home.

The joys win

Clearing out old papers etc from my files and from my life is a big part of my day to day life just now, so inevitably that's where my thoughts are as I do this blog. It is proving very therapeutic, eye-opening and thought-provoking. It is not, as some might think, a depressing look back or a nostalgic 'wish I was there' exercise. Some of it is amazing. I am at present 'doing Peru' (where I spent the 1980's) and wading through stuff from a place that wasn't part of my life, but WAS my life for about 10 years. I almost have to pinch myself to remember that all that was really me. Writing about it here helps me remember, to celebrate it and even lay some things to rest.

Today we are in 'My Day' - excerpts from an article I once had to write for a magazine. The glamorous picture of me was drawn by one of my lovely Peruvian children - Pati!

'Today, like any other, is full of the joys and frustrations of life in the city of Lima. One of the biggest problems we 6,000,000 inhabitants face at present is lack of electricity and water. The presence, or not of these, greatly influence the day's activities. Today, for example, cuts will mean no money from the bank, no washing done, too much time spent in traffic due to no traffic lights, a Bible study by candle-light, and a scary walk home in the dark' 

I have to smile at how happy I sometimes was with the 'no washing done' bit!

I also write in that article about the joys of the day - 'the odd nappy to change, child to 'pot' and baby to feed - definitely count among the joys' . . . .  along with 'surprise coffee and cake'

The article ends with these words - 'It's been a good day. The joys won!' 

I celebrate that today. The joys always win in the end.

Lead the way!

Just taking the first steps towards my next big Rwanda trip! Exciting! So far it's planning to chat it over with someone, coming up with a list of those I'd love to see come, thinking of dates and jotting down some mad thoughts and ideas. I get very excited just writing this!

Early days I know, but the excitement is in knowing what can come of these early ramblings. Some amazing things have come from tiny thought seeds in my wee head. Once shared with others they just grow and grow; often enriched by thoughts of others.

I'm still at my big clear-out, by the way, and just yesterday found some mustard seeds. They're going nowhere. They are precious as they remind me of what can grow from such a minute little seed. I am a wee small thing myself - I have had all the nicknames down the years - Titch, Shorty, Mini - and probably worse! My favourite is Mighty Mouse - because that is me - tiny like a wee mouse but mighty because that is how God has made me.

But the mustard seed reminds me also of faith - goes without saying - faith as small as a mustard seed is all that's required - in my Great Big God! So as the jitters arrive alongside the excitement of plans for the future, I trust - it will be magnificent! Lord, lead the way!

Giant squid?!

In the midst of the 'work' I'm doing at the laptop I dodge in and out of facebook to see what's going on - wouldn't do to miss anything now, would it?! So far today we have had (via fb) the usual wee cuties, Rwanda and all other things African, weight loss (!), weather, News (with a capital N) items, latest TV, family and friends news and church news and events. Too early yet for my Peruvian friends!

Struck me that these items say a lot about me - what I'm most interested in - Rwanda by far takes up most space. And they say a lot about my friends - I could almost always say who has posted what without looking!

All of life is there - from quite sad family news to giant squid; from cute bunnies to killings in far off troubled lands. I have to confess I sometimes find some of it trivial and hardly worth the space - including some of the stuff I might post myself now and again! But much of it is important to someone somewhere.

Reminds me of the God who cares about every detail; for whom nothing is too small or trivial. So today I ask him to comfort my cousin and his wife, be there for the people of South Sudan and Central African Republic, and yes, guard and protect those for whom the sometimes boring, rather British subject of the weather is causing real problems just now.

Could do better

Today my BIG clear out has involved looking at my old school reports. And here are some exerpts:

'Does not always exert herself' Well, can't be blamed there. It was maths after all!

'Absent too often' Well now, I think that was when I discovered the delights of Lisburn town centre!

'Miriam would do even better if she stopped day-dreaming' Wonder what that

was all about?!

'Always willing to participate in class discussions' This was RE the year I became a Christian at 17. I was probably trying to convert anything that moved! Sorry!

All of this made me smile. I loved school, though was always the 'could do better' type. There's a fair bit about that in the reports! But as I was reading I realised that those writing about me, though well-intentioned, had no idea what this lazy(?), sometimes absent, so-called daydreamer of a girl was really like - what her life was like. And that she was probably doing the very best she could in the circumstances.

I thank God for the haven that school was for me - and that he grabbed hold of me in time and turned me into the words of one of my last reports - 'Miriam is a very pleasant and conscientious pupil who deserves to succeed' 

How did that happen?!

'I can do all things.....'

In town today I saw a man making his way around without legs. There was no wheelchair, no crutches - nothing to help. Yet nothing seemed to stand in his way as he got on and off the bus and moved around town.

My first thoughts - honestly? Pity. But that helps nobody, so I asked God for compassion and understanding.

And I learned a lesson. This man had things to accomplish today, and to do that, he had rather obvious obstacles to overcome. Yet those obstacles were not going to get in the way. Rather than someone to be pitied that man has become for me an inspiration.

No obstacle is big enough to get in the way of what God means for me to do today. I can achieve it all. Of course I know all this, but today I had the thoughts and words come graphically to life in a stranger.

Speech-less

Doing a BIG clear out at home which today involved old preaching, teaching and talk notes, visual aids etc. The pic is part of a talk involving a true/false game. 'I have been on TV' was the statement - which turns out to be true. One of my TV appearances was while I was in Lima and involved in a Luis Palau campaign. I kept bumping into these brilliant memories all day. Makes clearing out a bit of a slow job! Aside from that, the little picture was on an OHP acetate - as my cousin said - that certainly dates us! Ah, the memories.

There was an unexpectedly more thought-provoking, serious side to the clear out. On the one hand I marvelled at the amount of stuff I was able to prepare and teach over the years. I can vividly remember the Confirmation Class which endured the true/false game. I can remember who was there, where we were etc. I even know where some of them are now. But, I also know I won't be doing that again. Throwing away or donating so much material was like admitting that. I have struggled with my damaged voice - more than most people know. And this was like accepting that things have changed a lot for me. Any speaking I do is much harder work than it once was, and any kind of teaching commitment is out of the question. Even writing this brings it home to me and has been a valuable part of a process of acceptance.

I'm full of thanks to God for the years of speaking and teaching. And as one door closes another opens. How exciting is that?!

PS I would like my singing voice back - please!

Playtime

Talk of feeding the ducks in the park (happy days!), and then this morning the chance to crawl around and play in creche, reminds me how important it is to have playtime. I 'tasted' all kinds of play food in creche this morning and so much enjoyed the giggles of the children as they watched my response to anything from cabbage (yuck!) to iced donuts (yum!)

We're in the serious business of planting churches, building churches, serving, teaching, discipling etc etc etc but I'm sure God expects us to have some fun along the way. To 'play' and 'hear' his joy in us.

Pause for thought though - there is a difference between time out for playtime and playing at what God has sent us to do. That is a serious business - a costly business - a matter of life and death.

Surprise, surprise!

God is full of them - surprises that is. There we were in the chippy having our weekly fish and chips and got chatting with someone who'd heard me speak  about Rwanda on Sunday. She said some lovely things which alone was nice, and encouraging - but then went on to say she wanted to talk about sponsoring a child with us! Wow! That made my day. The food tasted better than ever!

Earlier this morning we were taking our tree down and packing 'Christmas' away for another year. Before Christmas for church tree festival we had decorated a tree with decorations featuring pictures of our 55 sponsored children. We took them home after that and used them on our own tree - bit of a different one this year! I packed away 55 children this morning, little knowing our amazing Rwanda family of children would rise by one precious soul later today. How good is God!

When I was doing the tree in church someone asked me which were my children - which did I personally sponsor - I did find mine there - but the answer is they are all mine in a sense. And adding to the family - well. nothing beats it.

Look back in wonder

I was reminded today of some very different times - when I lived in Peru. It was in the 1980's - a very troubled time in that country's history - and a very traumatic time for me.

I love Peru. The place tugged at my heart almost immediately on arriving there; leaving - especially having to - was beyond words painful; and a chunk of my heart will always be there in a way.

A friend posted some pictures on fb today which brought back some very painful memories - that particular corner of my memory space I rarely visit. It was traumatic at times, painful and challenging. But I spent ten of the best, happiest years of my life there. Sometimes I do look back and wonder if that was really me! God brought us through some amazing times. 

Last year two things happened - a friend I worked with in Peru died sadly, bringing back loads of memories. And then totally unconnected, I got back in touch with Godchildren and friends from all those years ago. It has been a huge blessing. I will never forget them and they haven't forgotten me! How's that for heartwarming!

Peru enriched my life and a lot of what I am and do today comes from those times. I am grateful to God for taking me there, keeping me there - and yes I can say it now - bringing me back. Looking back is ok - sometimes essential, but we don't live there - we live in the now and move with God always to the next thing. Now, I wonder what that will be?!

All work . . . . .

'All work and no play  . . . . .' the saying goes. I made a comment today along the lines of it feeling like I was back at work - then realising that - hey I don't have a job! It was, of course very tongue in cheek. I will shortly celebrate 4 years since 'retirement' and have to say it's been mostly good. Once I stopped thinking every other second that I ought to be 'doing' something I settled into it very nicely thank you. I still have the odd moment of 'I'm sure there's something else I should be doing' but am on the whole happily 'resting'. 

Just before retirement I had my first trip to Rwanda, and being freed from paid employment has meant greater and greater involvement there - one of the greatest blessings in my life. 

I love the freedom to pick and choose what I do and get involved in. I love those days when I can do unplanned, spur of the moment things. I love it that the buck these days always stops with someone else!

But I love my work - the work God has given me - just right, tailor made, all mine - and as I was reminded today - there's no such thing as retirement in the Kingdom - I'm glad to say.

Finally today, there's no such thing as 'all work' - there are always coffee breaks - and this was today's - 'cheers Sally'!

New beginnings - again!

Here we are again - another New Year - 2014!I have scrapped all previous blog attempts to have a fresh start. Clearing out has been a bit of a theme for today as I have been clearing out old paper records from my working days. Turned out to be more than a simple paper clear out as I saw names, remembered stories and lives from the past. It turned out to be a strange opportunity to remember and celebrate lives at one time caught up in mine. It was happy/sad. Some people are still around and, in a different way, still in my life. Others are long gone. 

I love the idea of a new page and a new book - hence the old blog scrapping. I love the idea of a fresh start.

So, here goes. Let's see what happens.

I look forward to writing and picturing - writing my story - or better, God's story - 'all things new'

Tomorrow is today all of a sudden. How time flies!