Away with the birdies!

Today I listened to a song and watched a DVD clip of singer Glenn Campbell, who is presently in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's Disease. It was extremely poignant and very powerful. The whole project was a courageous venture for the whole family, laying bare how things are for those suffering, and those caught up in the Alzheimers' world.

Much of it rang so many bells with me, having seen both my mum and dad develop the disease. There is much talk about 'hidden' illnesses - those conditions not immediately obvious or visible - Depression or Fybromyalgia to mention two. Alzheimers has been a bit of a 'hidden' disease too for quite some time, perhaps in a slightly different way. 

The word 'dementia' has unhelpful connotations from the past when people were described as 'senile' or crazy - and were locked up in mental institutions. There was a sense of shame attached. Carers hid the problem, often suffering much behind closed doors, trying to shelter and protect the patient. Many still do, but things are slowly changing. There seems to be more help out there and more of a willingness to talk and share. Perhaps the stigma is on the run. 

One of the most cruel aspects of Alzheimers is the sense of loss suffered by family and friends. My dad used to 'see' things as part of his condition. He would see children in the house and little birds on the carpet. No amount of telling him or showing him would convince him he wasn't right. When life was

becoming very frustrating both for him and for those of us around him, we had a very helpful nurse who told us that these things were a very real part of my dad's new world. He could no longer live completely in our world, so we had to enter his. From then on we all saw the loveliest wee birds on the carpet! And many other very unusual things too as time went on!

But the hardest thing of all was 'losing' my dad. The day he looked at me and didn't know me - I'll never forget. It was painful and sad and would have been even more unbearable had dad not been happy most of the time in his world filled with lovely wee birds on the carpet. 

Glenn Cambell's last song is entitled 'I'm not gonna miss you'. Today it made me realise, after all this time, what I really missed. While happy when he was well and didn't seem to be suffering, I missed my dad; missed having a dad who was there but not there. And deep down somewhere I hurt then because I knew he didn't miss me. He didn't even know me.

I lost my dad a second time, a long time ago it seems, when he died. I celebrate the fact that he is now at peace - in yet another world with sights even more amazing than the loveliest birds on the carpet, with a Heavenly Father who has remembered him and will never forget me.