Belonging

Wow! It's been a while. I blame the 'incident of the foot' myself, but maybe more of that another time!

It's Father's Day and today I have memories of my dad that make me smile. I kind of lost my dad twice, as for quite some time before he died he didn't

know me and had gradually withdrawn into another world. He may not have known me but I knew him and frequently entered that world of his where little birds sat on his carpet and children (invisible to the rest of us) came to play!

Both my parents lived into old age and when they died there was that not uncommon mix of relief and sadness as they were freed from suffering and went home. But one thing took me by surprise. Once both parents had gone I had this sense of not belonging. I was no longer anyone's child and belonged to no one. I had no husband, and while I can almost hear the outrage of some marrieds who wouldn't like to think of themselves as 'belonging' to their husbands - and while I'm aware of the fact that in some cultures and situations this has a sinister edge to it - there is something warm and cosy about the idea of belonging.

It took me a while to think this through, but I came to the conclusion that in some ways I have never quite felt like I belong or fit in. That can be an uncomfortable place to be in a world of cliques and the drive to 'belong', but then would I have it any other way?! 

As followers of Jesus we don't in a sense belong here and I look forward to being with him, where I know I truly do belong. But for now this is home and where I am meant to be. I have come to see that I belong to Jesus completely, solely and forever. For now I also belong to those he sends my way. I belong where I am for however long that is. This little jigsaw piece fits somewhere! And this little misfit has always, unsurprisingly, had a heart for the different - the other misfits out there! And I certainly wouldn't have it any other way.

Once during the inevitable Rwandan discussion about how many children you have or haven't got an African friend told me I was 'free to be mama to everyone'. I very happily belong to those God gifts me to - now that is amazing!